John...A Gallery of Art

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Psychiatric disorders are one of the most difficult disabilities to overcome. Symptoms may go unnoticed for years with people fighting massive states of depression and bewilderment, confused thoughts, and symptoms appearing locked in body chemistry until something triggers development. Trauma, emotional stress, and the use of drugs or narcotics are sometimes factors that may start symptoms. Many cases start with no symptoms and for no apparent reason at all. Though there is a risk, not everyone who has a history of mental illness in their family will develop or have a psychiatric disorder. Worrying about something developing is fruitless because there is little too nothing that can be done until actual symptoms begin and diagnosis is made.

Following the diagnosis of a psychiatric disorder, treatment is pertinent to eliminate the symptoms. The road to recovery can be a long and very difficult struggle coupled with mood changes, depression, and adverse effects to medicine. The later of greater importance because until medication is regulated, (or actually correct), the side effects can be immense to certain individuals. In other words, first the person suffering with a psychiatric disorder needs to accept there is a problem, and second want help. This may sound very simple, and indeed it should be, but unfortunately many individuals who suffer with psychiatric disorders do not realize or even know they are ill and consequently, do not typically seek medical help until their symptoms become so bizarre they are forced into it. Psychiatric disorders are one of the most complicated disabilities in our society today. But the fact is they are real disabilities and extremely difficult to overcome.

The most important fact to consider is that mental disability can be caused by a variety of instances. Not only are people affected by birth defects, but also from trauma. The latter is a scary thought when realizing thousands of people injured by motor vehicle accidents end up with traumatic brain injuries (TBI). Another fact are thousands of military personal who return to their homelands with emotional instability due to the trauma they had to endure during war time for the continued freedom our great America provides. Even severe illnesses such as Polio can cause brain stem damage and ultimately short term memory loss, which in effect is another form of mental illness to a certain degree. While Post-Polio is fast becoming the last of the dreaded return of the original illness, there are thousands of people who still suffer with after-effects. The bottom line is that mental illness can happen to anyone, at anytime, and it does.

Wheel Me On does not specialize in mental disability advocacy simply because the organization does not have the expertise to directly assist people with disorders needing specialized treatment. From time to time, we hear from people with TBI or other mental disorders, and encourage them to seek help. It is our hope the following links may provide assistance to people wheeling in this circle of life. John is my eldest son and has lived with a psychiatric disorder for more than half his life. Ironically, the fact that he has a severe hearing loss and Wolf Parkinson White Syndrome (cardiac condition) disallowed John from joining the military when his brother's enlisted. I am proud of his inner strength and God given talents that helped him to overcome this incredible disability. It is his hope that the sharing of our story and his gallery of art may benefit others.

Julia Hollenbeck

A Fascinating 75-Minute Film about John was produced in 2006 by Wheel Me On...

John's Gallery

Reaching Out
India Ink ~ 1978

As I look back into the depths of the scenario, I am amazed at my failure not to have recognized there was a problem. When he asked, "did you just call me?" I should have wondered why he kept hearing my voice call out his name. And, I probably should have then asked, "what else do you hear?" Parents cannot usually recognize symptoms when they are subtle and there is no blame or shame. Sadly, my son was the one who suffered in his attempts to reach out to explain the inexplainable. He had grown up hearing voices telling him what to do, commanding his every move, and eventually could not tell the difference between reality and imagination. John developed an astonishing ability to draw and by age eight, had earned several awards for exhibits at County Fairs. He had found his niche with a pencil, crayon, and water paint. John enveloped himself into a world of art for many years.

Burroughs High School, Ridgecrest, California
1978-1980

Burroughs' Burros Wall
Acrylic Paint

The Burro was the mascot of Sherman E. Burroughs High School in Ridgecrest, California.
The mural on one of the buildings at the high school was a 3-year endeavor to plan and an additional year to paint.

In the early 2000's, I received an e-mail from a gentlemen who taught at the same high school. He knew of John's work, knew the art teachers, and remained living in Ridgecrest, California. The reason why he wrote was because he had run across this web page, and he wanted to share with me that the mural was now hidden, buried with an additional building built next to the wall. He expressed that I should not let John know this, but eventually I did. To my surprise, when John and his wife made a drive to the West coast in 1993, they stopped in Ridgecrest. John wanted to show his wife and daughter the high school and mural he had painted. He told me that he thought he could see some of the painting through a small dark window on the outside of the building. The most amazing part of this story was to realize this photo that John took with his camera in 1982, could well be the only photo of the scene according to the teacher. This, in itself, gave both John and his family great condolence. We sincerely appreciate the kindness of the teacher who sent the E-mail, his concern for John, and his continued support.

During John's teenage years, he began reading medical dictionaries and studying the human body. Little did I know, but he was searching for his own answers to his bizarre mind. While on one side of his brain he realized the dangers of using drugs or smoking marijuana; the other side was concocting stories about his use of marijuana to his brothers explaining his ill behavior and actions. It was many years later that the truth of everything finally came out, but in the meantime, it had left its mark on those of us who could not comprehend or understand his actions.

John was an exceptional person, very sociable, well read, self-educated to a college level, and intellectually advanced. The fact of the matter was that this was an intelligent person who was having to deal with mental instabilities that no one knew existed, anymore than he knew or realized were prevalent. How could he tell me there was something wrong, when he himself did not know it? Most of the time, John was fine. He was a loving, kind, supportive and helpful son. So what was making him do and say the things he did?

In the spring before his graduation, it came time to select one of four art colleges that had offered him a scholarship. I protested and wanted John to remain at home for a year, attend junior college and after the end of that year, go on to the college of his choice. John argued his point and won.

Though John was extremely intelligent, a combination of immaturity, newly found freedom, and the availability of psychedelics, led to John's self-destruction. Before the end of his second semester at the Philadelphia College of Art John was lost to another world. He bounced between Illinois, California, and Texas for the next three years, until finally, distraught from his own emotional instability, dysfunctional relationships, and a world of confusion, he attempted to take his life. Fortunately someone found him, rushed him to a hospital, and he was later admitted to a psychiatric facility.

On my arrival at the hospital, I was stopped in the lobby and taken to see a physician who was treating John. For the next several hours, I listened to the details of John's ordeal and profound disability. Nothing could have struck home harder, but the fact was his illness was treatable, if he would agree. This medical facility had taken the first steps to teaching both of us how to cope with the illness and by the time John was released, he had a keen knowledge of what was wrong. What he did with that knowledge was his decision.

Part of the horrific problems of psychiatric disorders is stabilizing the condition with medications to control and treat the illness. The side effects of some of these medications can often be traumatic to the patient. The other problems are the lack of knowledge, acceptance in society, and our laws that govern institutionalization. John spent several weeks in a total of four different hospitals over a period of two years. Physicians would stable his condition with medications and send him home. He would start feeling better and quit taking the medicine because of side effects, and begin believing there was nothing wrong with himself. Eventually he would go back to the ritual of using psychedelics to elevate himself from a world of depression. It was a vicious circle that only John could control. At the end of 1985 John moved to Illinois.

A few months later, I moved to Kentucky and made several visits to John who lived 200 miles away. John eventually fell deeply in love with a woman he had met in Philadelphia at college. They married and became the parents of a little girl. At the end of 1989 I returned to live in Texas. Over the next several years, John's disability continued to worsen. Shortly after a visit to see me in 1993, John suffered a horrific attack that destroyed everything he had ever wanted. After the fact, John's wife expressed her feelings and disclosed that she really believed that she could help him. I understood those same feelings because I too had wanted to help John, but the truth was only John could help himself.

Over the years the lack of proper medical treatment caused this attack to be extremely dangerous. Not only did John lose his ability to speak, but he was also not expected to completely recover. He did recover though, and this time, even he was scared. However, it cost him dearly. His wife took their daughter, moved away, and later divorced him.

After several long weeks, John was released to the care of his father who by then had moved to Indiana. John began the long road to repairing his life and coping with his disability. He slowly accepted the side effects of medications that left him with uncontrollable shaking, mouth drooling, and the inability to draw or read. Eventually, his father moved him into his own apartment. A wise decision, as John needed to be on his own, self sufficient, acceptable to himself, and to society. Yet, as a mother visiting her son in his lonely environment, I was very angry of sending our son to be by himself. After his father passed away in 1996, I finally realized this was the smartest thing anyone could have done for John because it placed him in the position of having to live independently.

During forthcoming visits, I saw improvements, downfalls, and determination. I saw my son as a man and yet as my child, and I knew his struggle for recovery and survival was not by any means an easy task. Given the same circumstances, I seriously doubt I would have been able to overcome, which in itself tells me any person with a mental disability is a much stronger individual than the average human. Understanding a person, what motivates him or her, and trying to hold a conversation, may be the most difficult situations between an individual without a disability and someone with a mental disorder. In the case of John, his keen ability to understand and comprehend various matters are far advanced to the average individual. Consequently, most people (including myself) are unable to converse with him on an intellectual scale on some subjects.

On December 29th, 2000 at approximately nine o'clock in the morning, the landlord to John's dwelling was attempting to thaw frozen water pipes. The landlord went inside his own residence to warm up from the freezing weather outside. Inside the trailer, John heard a roaring noise and decided to go investigate. He found water running in the bathtub, flames coming up in-between the bathtub and wall, while smoke was filling the room.. John went outside, but the landlord was gone. He picked up the fire extinguisher laying next to the trailer and pulled the keroscene torch out from beneath the trailer. Then he attempted to put out the fire, but the extinguisher was empty, so he ran back into the trailer yelling for his girlfriend to get out.

Barefoot, his girl friend stood in the snow, and a neighbor brought her shoes to put on her feet. They lost everything. The two of them found shelter at his girlfriend's parent's home until they were ready to gather their strength and wits to start over again. When John called me a few days later, he said, "You know, Mom...I kind of look at this as a blessing. The past is behind me now and I have only the future to plan ahead with." I was astonished at his remark but after thinking about it, I knew he was right.

John made countless trips back to the area where the trailer once stood and shuffled through remains to find glimmers of hope. On his art table he discovered a telephone calling card that had been laid with the calling number against the table. He pried the card up with a small pocket knife and turned it over. To his surprise, the numbers were still readable and he used it to call me. His family album given him in 1989 was scorched, but some of the photos were still intact. His bible was not harmed. Among these few things, he found a work of art he had nearly finished. It was burnt in the fire but the meaning behind it was too important not to send for this web page and very remindful of the infamous 9/11 attack on our country and the loss of his cousin.

John fully accepted his disability, the necessity of his medication, and respectfully sought help for assistance when circumstances made it necessary. He regained his speech, reading capabilities, and returned to his art endeavors with trials and errors, overcoming many difficulties too numerous to mention.

On the 25th of January of 2001, John underwent surgery to remove an extra nerve bundle in his heart and correct his condition known as Wolff-Parkinson-White Syndrome. At this time, I was still living in Texas, but there was no amount of snow, sleet, or hail, that would keep me from being with him. I traveled with an attendant, picked him up at his apartment, and drove to the hospital in Indianapolis.

Schizophrenia - Sketch Book Painting

Fortunately, we had time to visit an older art gallery, and the photo taken of the two of us together (left) remains a prized position. The surgery was successful. Shortly after John's return home, he moved into his own apartment, and was prescribed a different medication.

In April, John traveled to San Antonio, Texas, to participate in the Wheel Me On...Caravan for Disability Awareness 2001 to Washington, DC. This visit provided a full two-week venture of being together and one which allowed an opportunity for the coming of unity with many individuals in society. He served not just his mother, but a member who was blind during the caravan. John's caring disposition stood out far more than the average person, while unbeknown to anyone at the time, he was struggling with his illness.

This single caravan gave so much to so many, but most of all it gave John and another member who was able-bodied, an opportunity to meet which later led to years of continued support and finally, someone John could speak with on an intellectual level. Additionally, it provided him the opportunity to meet the very individual (Andy Imparato, President, AAPD) who had inspired me to share John... A Gallery of Art.

"Mathematical Landscape"
Bottled Acrylic
2003

In August 2004, I visited John and looked at some of his work. He showed me the above art done in bottled acrylic on foam core board, asking me if I wanted it, and I brought it home. Whereas he insists this is his interpretation of a "Mathematical Landscape", my interpretation is that of a lighthouse. Of course, we argue endlessly over this piece. There was another piece of art, much larger in size, that I also brought home. It too provided a startling reality. This one individual work expressed his heartfelt feelings for his daughter and the anxiety he has gone through since 1996 of not being allowed to see her.

"Oh precious flower creation planned delivered, unto a once fertile land divided, between truth and beauty, snatched pebble from upon my hand the root... of tree founded from earth moon and sun -- Carefully covered with delicate weave, relating in synchron void center to grow, draw infinity to know, mind body spirit self and soul. Flowing forth plain towards her destiny, as the lion waits in his cave - the eagle searches our land for she, who is away from her tipi."

Pencil
2004

John's fine skills returned, struggling with motor sensory problems in his hands and arm, his wonderful works of art continued. The above work was completed for an individual requesting a portrait of a friend. The finished work looks exactly like the woman.

In 2004, he was asked to design and produce a large mural for the new location of the Family Life Center in Bloomfield, Indiana. The following series of photos of his work provide an overview of his accomplishment, and is one everyone can be very proud.

Photography of Mural provided by Helms Photography in Bloomsfield, IN

	John was born in 1963. He has lived with a psychiatric disorder for more than half of his life.
He provides volunteer services... Frequently helps at a church And remains active in society.		While continuing to overcome difficulties of this incredible illness, Even though the struggles are many, most people believe John will overcome and continue to move forward.
	Your son has strong GOD given talents in the ARTS. God NEVER gives any more than you can handle. May the coming year continue to help John meet all his goals, both short and long. ...Jerry & Bill Braun Bracketville, TX

"Harmony"
Acrylic
December 2004
The Christmas Trees are lettering in Japanese spelling "Harmony"

From the Journals of John...

May 10th, 2005

Our belief changes our reality. Every thought is part of our belief. When one thought contradicts another, there is a conflict of belief. When we separate fantasy from reality, we define our beliefs. Definitions are the rules of meaning. Meaningfulness gives purpose to our lives and us. Belief becomes faith and hope. Faith is based on facts. Hope is based on possibility. As our faith increases, our hope matures. In order for our hopes to become real, we must be honest with ourselves, at least in our minds. We must separate fact from fiction. We must realize the truth of the unknown as much as we respect knowledge. Reality is understood through perception and memory being accurate. Knowledge can be proven...

The universe has no opponent. (Wrote by John...)

In April 2006, visiting John became an experience cheerished and we are pleased to bring you, "John... A Gallery of Art" with 75-minutes of narrated film about his Art and Aikido, and the surprising experiance of finding Access where least expected along with a new discovery made inside the Family Life Center. His extraordinary hidden talents suddenly come alive while his perserverance of filling life goals with his work captured in this documentary, along with deliberate graceful moves with Aikido and sharing his knowledge of another art form.

Wheel Me On... is proud to bring John to you in this captivating and interesting film with on the scene and live coverage of an extraordinary town which could well help other communities follow their wonderful example where safety comes first. Please visit our DVD film web page and enjoy Wheeling with the cycle of life.

~ May You Never Walk Alone ~

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